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The Implant
The Implant is the fifty-seventh prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls. Transcript (ringback tone) Woman: '''Good morning, Law Offices. May I help you? '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! This is Milton- is this the law firm that's handling the big lawsuit with those penile implants? '''Woman: '''Yes, it is. '''Milton: '''Oh, my implant's like a living Hell. Maybe I should go ahead and tell you why I had to get this implant in the first place. '''Woman: '''Well, sir, that's not necessary. What you should do is... '''Milton: '''Well, good! Thanks for being so understanding! It happened several years ago- I was working as a bank teller at the Sun Bank over on Fletcher. I was one of those drive-thru tellers and I accidentally got my crotch caught in that vacuum suction tube. '''Woman: '''Oh, sir... '''Milton: ''(suction noises) You know the thing? ''(imitates drive-thru teller pneumatic tube) ''You know the thing you put your money in? '''Woman: '''Sir, you really should be talking to somebody else... '''Milton: '''Well, listen! After the freak accident, I had to get one of those implant devices, but they should've left my crotch in the mangled condition, cause now it's even worse! It's spinning around like an out-of-control carnival ride! My implant is acting like the Tilt-a-Whirl or the- ''(implant hits the phone cord) 'Milton: '''Hello, are you there? '''Woman: '''Hello? ''(implant knocks phone cord again) 'Milton: '''Hello?! '''Woman: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Oh! It just hit the phone cord! It almost yanked it out of the wall! '''Woman: '''Sir, maybe... ''(implant knocks a glass of prune juice of a table, glass shatters) 'Woman: '''Hello? Sir? '''Milton: '''God! Did you hear that?! '''Woman: '''Yes sir, maybe you should- '''Milton: '''It just swung around and knocked the glass of prune juice right off the table! The carpet's all stained now! '''Woman: '''Well, maybe you should call... '''Milton: '''This thing is out of control! ''(implant knocks the phone out of Milton's hand) 'Milton: '''Oh! Hold on! '''Woman: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Oh, hold on! It-it knocked the phone out of my hand! '''Woman: '''Sir, are you okay? Maybe you should call the hospital or... '''Milton: '''Hold on a sec! '''Woman: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Hel-he-hold on! Gee! '''Woman: '''Sir, maybe you should call back tomorrow... '''Milton: '''It knocked the receiver right out of my hands! This implant device is like Satan or something like that- ''(implant starts hitting phone keypad) 'Milton: '''Oh, geez! '''Woman: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Hold on, it's hitting the keypad! '''Woman: '''Sir, maybe you should call back tomorrow, okay? '''Milton: '''Hold on, it's hitting the keypad! '''Woman: '''Okay, call back- ''(cutoff) (ringback tone) Trivia *A penile implant is a surgically-implanted device often used for treatment for various penile disorders. *Sun Bank is a shortened name for the Sun National Bank, a New Jersey-based bank company. This would most likely mean that Milton was living somewhere in New Jersey when he had his accident. *The device Milton is referring to at the bank is a pneumatic tube. *A Tilt-A-Whirl is a kind of amusement park flat ride. Category:Prank calls